yawar-fiesta:

gganseyiii:

And he’s pretty good at it, so he’s a diamond-level guest at all the harrahs casinos, meaning they always comp his room and meals. My mom has a second job with her friend’s modeling company, and they were working a banquet in Vegas. My moms main job is as a flight attendant though, so we fly free. So my dad just took off to Vegas the night of my moms job, and when they were done, he took her and all her model friends (7 of them) to a fancy-ass restaurant. He’s friends with one of the waiters there just from visiting so often, but they don’t know much about my dads life/job/whatever. So when my dad shows up with a bunch of models, the waiter comes up and he’s like “ok dude spill. what do you do? what’s your job?” And my dads like “it’s a mystery” because he’s a mailman

(talk about a story not going where you expected it…)

julieyumi:

1-5: be completely baffled by 
6-10: in the mistaken belief that it is a puppy, attempt to pet
11-15: ascend to the throne of the world as the new god of
16-20: cry a lot about
21-25: seek heaven through
26-31: finally get to be with your beautiful lover, who is

january: the weight of your sins
february: full communism
march: rage bigger than your body can contain
april: the Sun
may: eleven-dimensional space
june: violence
july: the merciless confines of linear time
august: a fictional character
september: the void
october: a ghost
november: every single dragon
december: a giant robot

andrewbelami:

rihported:

Does anyone have the video post of the 2 girls singing Katy Perry which angers a poltergeist in the house and it slams the door to their room

therothwoman:

gunpowderandspark:

According to the song Seasons of Love from RENT, there are 525,600 minutes a year.

One line later, there are “525,000 Moments so dear”.

So, doing the math, we can glean that there are 600 moments which aren’t so dear.

And I think I just used one of them by walking in on my boss who forgot to lock the bathroom stall.

this post did not even remotely go in the direction I was expecting it to